So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
