I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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