Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
