I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
