shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
operation harelip BJ is a go
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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