So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
