I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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