The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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