i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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