I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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