dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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