ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
