Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize