Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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