She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
