Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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