Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize