apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize