Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was born a porn star she said
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
