Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
