there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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