I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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