Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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