woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
