She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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