I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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