How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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