ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
