You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
