I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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