I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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