do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
