So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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