I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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