How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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