Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
