Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize