Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
