I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
