every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
