shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
