I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
