Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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