What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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