I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
