Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The air was thick with penises
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
