I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
