and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize