The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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