im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
