I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
