If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
