I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
