I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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