we're blogging at a bar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How's work?
Spinning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
