after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
