i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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