do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
