If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
