yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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