Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
