u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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