Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
