I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
