He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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