I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
