he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
