I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish my penis had a tongue
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
