Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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