So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
