We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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