If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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