they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
