Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
