You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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