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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you can still come hang out if you want

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I really don't feel like watching you play video games

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• (206): View more from Washington

  We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.

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• (562): View more from California

  My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You're the best wingman ever.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing

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• (845): View more from New York

  I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him

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• (210): View more from Texas

  last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst

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• (972): View more from Texas

  You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.

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