Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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