i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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