I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
