I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
