ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a beard to bite.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
