A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
