just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
