He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
