Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
