I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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