Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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